Ahhh! You gotta love the end of school! So much time with the fam. It’s what we wait for all year long, right? Well…
With teens in the house, some of that summertime bliss can heat up quickly if we’re not careful. Clear communication is a priority for many parents. However, talking with adolescents seems to be a challenge even for the most patient moms and dads.
I thought we were communicating!
In our generation of cell phones, text messages, and conversations on-screen—communication has never been so easy. If you need an answer to any given question, Google® it! Want to talk with a family member, but not get tied up on a long phone call? Text them! Want to play music hands-free throughout your home? Alexa™ gets the job done.
As technology has evolved and made our lives easier, it has also changed the way we communicate and connect with others in dramatic ways! This includes interacting with our teens.
Competing Factors
However, technology alone isn’t the only factor that has our communication with teens strained. We also contend with busy schedules of practice and game time for sports programs, friends coming over, and other activities that get in the way of parent-teen interaction. Days seem to go by too quickly when any real quality time with our teens takes place. But with the start of a new year, there are ways to improve communication with our teens—even in tiny stages.
Small Steps That Work
Parents often say their teen at home just “shuts down.” Teenagers frequently don’t feel like talking and would rather close themselves off in their bedroom rather than communicate with their parents. So, try these easy tips:
- Limit phone time while doing something together that you both enjoy. Instead of always isolating, plan an activity with your teen, such as: going to coffee, ice cream, or a burger; watching something you both love on Netflix®; or going on a bike ride. Giving teens advanced notice can be helpful so they don’t feel caught “off guard,” or feel as if a lecture is coming. Remember, intentional time spent—even in small ways—communicates care.
- Be aware of your own emotions and how they are conveyed. Are your arms crossed the whole time you’re speaking to them? Does your body language scream you’re in defense mode? Make sure your overall appearance is “open,” and give proper eye contact if you feel it’s appropriate with your teen. Also, watch your tone of voice. Sometimes the words verbalized are not the problem (in shutting things down with your teenager) as much as the attitude demonstrated during the discourse.
- Write down what you want to communicate instead of allowing emotions to take over (in the moment) and saying too much in a heated tone. Think about how you want something to be understood, and then listen intently to your teen’s response—even if that means waiting through some awkward silence. Many teens complain of never feeling heard by their parents.
It takes a little practice, but even small changes in communication can start new healthy habits. A family that focuses on intentional time spent together, and keeps their emotions in check can significantly change the way dialogues are spoken and heard. These tiny steps can help alleviate struggle in conversations with your teen as you move forward into the months ahead.