Taking care of your marriage is much easier than adjusting to a divorce.” #hindsight
Life Status: Divorced
Divorce rates as one of life’s most stressful events—just under death of a spouse or child. However, it’s also one of the most familiar life transitions in our culture.
Regardless of how commonplace divorce may be, that doesn’t make it any less difficult for most individuals to navigate.
In this three-part series on divorce, I want to share the viewpoint of this major life event through the eyes of a seasoned Christian female—experienced in parenting and a long-term marriage that sadly ended after many years together. I consider this sweet lady to be a teacher of both grace and wisdom for those who sit in her “classroom” of this very difficult life alteration.
So, what happened to “Mr. Right”?
Among other thoughts we have racing through our minds when divorce appears imminent is the initial confusion on how we got to this point in the first place. After all, while dating our ex-husband, it appeared he was “the right one” in so many ways. He may have encompassed every characteristic we had on our list of what we desired (and prayed for) in a mate.
Because of this, we never expected to become divorced! And especially as Christians, many of us are left wondering if God can still use us in any way now that we have this stigma attached to our life status.
But keep this truth in mind—although our guilt may feel absolutely unbearable, God’s forgiveness is unmeasurable!
In Jeremiah 29:11 we read, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” This kind of hope is exactly what we need to make it through the despondency of separating from our spouse. A “new life status” can be found first and most fully in the Lord!
Along with this hopefulness, it’s important to come to terms with our internal reflections and take ownership regarding our new circumstances in life.
Common thoughts and feelings
Although not every situation is alike, many women experience similar opinions and outlooks about themselves when faced with separation and/or divorce, such as:
- Lack of self-esteem
- Feelings of failure
- Loss of control
- Disinterest in socializing
- Guilt (very high for Christians)
- Hopelessness/Regret/Sadness
- Desire for a new love relationship
- Uncertainty about life direction
Although these thoughts may have been implanted in our thinking for many years, once separation and then divorce happens—we must come to the point of setting aside personal anguish. We do this is for the purpose of moving forward with our lives in a positive manner—especially when there are children involved.
In Part Two of this series, we’ll look further into considerations that can help this transition be easier on everyone—the children involved, yourself, and extended family members.
If you’re divorced and could use some support from others who understand the pain you’re in, consider attending Divorce Care®:
Divorce Care® Recovery Support Group
The Babb Center for Counseling
Tues. evenings—beginning Jan. 15, 2019
Time: 6:30–8 p.m.
Cost: $ 15.00
#divorce #divorcerecovery #divorcecare
To register or read more information on topics covered in Divorce Care®, click on this link https://www.divorcecare.org/groups/99658