Relationships can bring great joy or much heartache depending on our interactions. However, there are a few simple principles for improving communication and overall satisfaction in our association with others.
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I often see common sticking points between dissatisfied parties. So, I want to give you a few suggestions as a good start for creating better connections with those you love.
1. Use curiosity to navigate differences
Begin by understanding that your perspective is always limited/biased. Only God knows all truth. He even knows the motives of our hearts as we read in Proverbs 16:2, “All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord.”
As humans, we only have our limited viewpoint, filtered through our beliefs and experiences. So, curiosity is a great resource to access another’s perspective. In disagreements, we should always ask how the other person sees the situation.
2. Try humility in your approach
Speaking the truth in love means being respectful, even when you are upset. Practically speaking we don’t accuse, criticize, or attack if we want the conversation to go somewhere productive. Setting appropriate limits on the language used, rather than rendering threats, is needed when another person is making poor verbal or physical choices that impact you. Managing anger well is important, in order to be humble and kind.
3. Practice assertiveness in your desires
We must ask directly for things we want and need in relationships. This does not mean you should be demanding, but confident in your requests. Most of us are proficient at stating what we don’t like or want. Yet it is more effective—although vulnerable—to clearly ask for what we desire.
Being direct is the only real chance of having our desires met. Few people are mind-readers or even good at guessing others’ needs, so it’s helpful to define our expectations for them. If the other person cannot meet our expectations, they can either negotiate or meet our needs in another way.
4. Strive for authenticity rather than self-protection
We are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) which gives us inherent worthiness, but our insecurities tell us to be something more. We might hold back, people-please, or try to perfect ourselves which are all ways of self-protecting. But we cannot have satisfactory relationships built on this faulty foundation. When I can be transparent about my strengths, flaws, or struggles with safe people, I create conditions for emotional intimacy. In doing this, I also encourage others to match my level of transparency.
Giving attention and energy to these suggestions can bring great improvements in your relationships. But if there are longstanding resentments, deep and unresolved conflicts, or if you need help implementing some of these suggestions—please seek support from a licensed professional counselor in your area.
For specialized help in the management of difficult relationships in your life,
contact The BabbCenter for Counseling at 615-824-3772.